Stream of Conciousness
I have only a passing interest in God. As soon as I start thinking about God, I get bored and my mind wanders to something else. How can I be interested in God when he seems so far away? How can I get closer to him?

What are bridesmaids even for? Do they just stand there at the wedding? I want my bridesmaids to have a role in my marriage, as well: they should help me out before and during the ceremony, and help me live up to my vows for the rest of my life. If I chose bridesmaids thinking more about these principles than "who will feel hurt if I don't chose them," my list would be really different, I think.

My hair is at that awkward stage where it's too long to let down all the time because it doesn't curl right, but too short to stay up in a ponytail. So I end up putting it in a ponytail and pulling the stray bits behind my ears all day. It makes me feel less mature. And generally unkempt.

I have felt so lazy lately. I wish I was still in school so I had too much to do. I hate this feeling of boredom and lack of motivation. I need structure, deadlines.

"It's not even light out, but you've somewhere to be."

I spend too much time on the internet. I think it is beginning to warp my brain. Sometimes I mentally note which words would be capitalized for emphasis if I were typing them. I mean, COME ON. That is a little weird.

You know how some songs have a TON of silence at the end before the next track begins? I hate that. It's so annoying. Just start the next song already. Granted, if it's classical music (a symphony or something) then a slight pause is appropriate, but on a CD if I need more than 10 seconds of dead air I'll hit pause.

Recently I played a computer game that sounded different tones with each successful move. All of the tones together created a pentatonic scale. So I played each level and transcribed the pitches each level produced. I may try to write something based on these indeterminate melodies. I know. I'm a huge nerd.

The bugs are starting to annoy me. Last night before I went to bed I killed probably ten bugs. They're not dangerous or anything; I just can't stand the buzzing sound they make close to my ear. And I get paranoid that bugs are biting me in my sleep and infecting me with dengue fever.

"So I looked around and I noticed there wasn't a chair."

If I lay down on my futon when my computer is on, I can feel the vibrations of the fan running through the floor. Is this because the vibration is exceptionally loud or because I am hyper-sensitive? I suppose it could be both.

Sitars are freaking awesome. I wish I could play the sitar. I don't think I've ever even seen a sitar in real life. Norah Jones is Ravi Shankar's daughter. Yikes. No wonder she's awesome.

"I'm thinking it's a sign that the freckles in our eyes are mirror images that when we kiss they're perfectly aligned."

I am now a little obsessed with Zach Braff. It all started when I decided to start watching Scrubs, and then I watched some interviews he did on late night TV shows, and then I found out he had a MySpace account, and then he became my MySpace friend, and then I could read blogs he wrote, so now I'm all about Zach Braff. It's not terribly healthy, I know. I think the sign that I need to back off is when Zach is a major character in my dreams.

I wore my orange and black sparkly long flowing skirt to school today and all my students were like, "Ah, kawaii!! Suteki!!" Even a teacher used the Japanese word for "wonderful." I knew the skirt was awesome, but don't they have stuff like this here? Really.

My birthday is Friday. I will be 23. I think I am now at the age where I will dread all subsequent birthdays. Before this time I looked forward to becoming older, more mature. Now I would rather stay young and responsibility-free. However, since I am so young I'm not respected by my colleagues at work. I'm not taken seriously because I'm still a kid to them. So I don't want to get older, but I want to be treated as an adult. Catch-22.

Why did Sonny Rollins have to die so young? Why, God? He's like the best sax improver EVER, and he wasn't even a drunk or a druggie or anything, like so many other jazz musicians. At least we have "Body and Soul."

"I never meant to do you wrong."


written by Ruthie @ 8:10 AM  
2 thoughts:
  • At 5/09/2007 7:12 PM, Anonymous Betsy said…

    i really liked this post, just so you know

  • At 5/10/2007 12:53 AM, Blogger aubrey said…

    oh my WORD i love you and i miss your randomness. btw, i recognized all the song lyrics... were you playing my mix? er.. anyway. i hope you feel better. i hope you come and live in my pocket. and ps, next year there is going to be a whole wall in our apartment devoted to beatles posters. ay ay ay!!!

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Name: Ruthie
Home: Japan
About Me: I want to know who God is and what his truth is. I love getting lost in beautiful music and cloudless star-filled skies, especially in the fall. I hate being bored. I like big cities. I want to travel the world.
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