In one of my high school conversation classes the students learned about different types of American jokes (puns, knock-knock jokes, riddles, longer story forms, the infamous "why did the chicken cross the road?"). Then as their assignment they were told to bring an English joke to class. The results were-- you guessed it-- hilarious. Here they are, in their original wording.
Why did the dinosaur cross the road? . . . . Because chickens were not invented yet.
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What's the longest English word? . . . . Smiles (because "mile" is in it)
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A waitress in a restaurant brings out soup. The customer said, "Excuse me, but I saw your thumb in the soup when you were carrying it." But the waitress said, "Oh, that's ok. The soup isn't hot."
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Ha hahah ahahah haha.........well, what were we talking about?
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"Hey Peter! Ten years have passed since we met last time. You got a haircut-- buzz cut?"
"No, I only lost my hair."
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"It's dangerous walking at that height. You nearly lost your life."
"That's ok. After I will get it back."
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When do you have a camera when you sleep? . . . . Because I take a picture of my dream.
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I have big news. Recently a serial killer appeared. He has been killing thirty people every morning. The trick of the serial killer is cereal.
The following will be my last chapel speech, of sorts. I have one more "speech" in July, but I am planning to do an all-music chapel to say goodbye and thank you to the students (and so I don't have to write another cheesy quasi-sermon).
Proverbs 4:5-7
I hate math. I have always been a very good student.I learn quickly and enjoy school. However, when I was in junior high school, high school, and university, math was always my worst subject. I didn’t like learning it, I didn’t understand it, and I didn’t know why I had to learn it. “When will I ever use calculus in my daily life?” I thought. I was very excited in college when I finished my last math class—I was finally done! I could forget about math forever!
Or so I thought.
I use math everyday now. I use math to grade homework scores. I use math to pay my bills. These tasks should be simple, but because I didn’t pay attention in math class, these things are difficult for me. I regret that I didn’t take advantage of the opportunities I had.
You have many great opportunities to learn in school. You can get a lot of wisdom from your teachers. Are you taking advantage of your opportunities? Baiko is a unique school in that two American teachers are here almost everyday. Most schools have native English-speaking teachers about once a month. Are you taking advantage of this great opportunity to practice English with us? Miss Ami and I want to help you. We want to talk to you. So take a chance while you are here at Baiko to get all the wisdom you can.
Recently in a junior high school English class I taught the students the basic parts of the body ("basic" meaning I taught them the word "leg" but not "scapula"). Then as a fun activity in class I gave each student a piece of paper. The students sat in a circle. I called out the name of a body part, and the students drew that body part on their paper, then passed the paper to the right.Then I called out the name of another body part, and the students drew that body part on their paper, then passed the paper to the right, etc., until after several passes around the circle a strange, humanlike form appeared on the paper. The last step was to give their person a name and finish the sentence "This person is..." The results were quite amusing:"Manato Tensai." Manato the Genius. "This person is pretty."
Top: "Pankun no kanojo." Pankun's girlfriend. This person is very beautiful. Bottom: "This peason is cleep" (they meant "person" and "creepy," I think).
What does it mean to “see” Jesus? What does it mean to “hear” Jesus? In today’s passage, Jesus’ disciples ask him why he uses parables to teach people. Jesus tells them that people who are willing to believe will understand his parables. Then Jesus tells the disciples that, though the people could see physically, spiritually they could not see the truth of Jesus. Though they could hear physically, spiritually they could not hear the truth of Jesus. Christians often talk about seeing and hearing Jesus as a metaphor. In fact, there’s a famous worship song—“Open Our Eyes,” that addresses this: "Open our eyes, Lord/ we want to see Jesus/ to reach out and touch Him/ and say that we love Him/ Open our ears, Lord/ and help us to listen/ open our eyes, Lord/ we want to see Jesus.”
How can we see Jesus now? We can see Jesus in the beauty of nature. We can see Jesus in other people. Is there a special person in your life who encourages you when you are in trouble? Is there a person who loves you no matter what you do? You can see Jesus in those people. Many of you remember Rachel, the former American teacher at Baiko. I could see Jesus in Rachel’s life. She loved everyone. She was patient and kind to all people. She cared for me and helped me when I had a problem.
How can we hear Jesus now? We can hear Jesus in the Bible’s words. We can also hear Jesus in prayer. Prayer is not one-sided. Prayer is not only us talking to God. God talks back. You don’t even have to be a Christian to pray to God or to Jesus. When I am worried or afraid or confused, I often say a prayer to God. Sometimes, shortly after I pray, I understand what I must do, or an answer to my problems presents itself to me. We have to listen carefully to hear God’s answer, but he always answers us.
Valentine’s Day was last week on February 14th. Do you know about Valentine’s Day? How do we celebrate Valentine’s Day? We give chocolates and greeting cards to people we love. In America schoolchildren give Valentine’s cards to their classmates. Why do we celebrate Valentine’s Day? Valentine’s Day has a long history, but the story is not very clear. There is a legend about Saint Valentine, the man for whom Valentine’s Day is named. Saint Valentine lived in Europe in the first century, AD. The Roman Emperor at the time decided that soldiers should not marry. St. Valentine, however, was a priest, and he helped a soldier get married. Since Valentine broke the Emperor’s law, he was put in prison. While Valentine was in prison, people hid encouraging notes and letters in the walls of his small room in the prison. Some people believe this is why we write Valentine’s cards today.
We do know one thing for sure about Valentine’s Day. Valentine’s Day is all about love. We give gifts to those we love. Stores are decorated with hearts. Couples have a special time together. But the reason that St. Valentine was put in prison a long time ago was because he loved God and he loved other people. He was a Christian. He helped soldiers to marry even though it meant he would be put in prison. Let’s all try to love like St. Valentine.
Taiko is a traditional Japanese drum. Shown below are many different sizes of taiko being played by a group from nearby Akiyoshidai. They came to perform for whoever showed up at Baiko a few weeks ago. It was a small crowd, which was sad because it was AWESOME to watch. A couple of the players really got into it, like the girl below (standing, middle):In one piece two drummers got into a sort of drumwar, banging on each other's drums and teasing each other: After the concert the group invited the audience up to try banging on the drums. Then the group leader taught us a few rhythm patterns. It was quite fun, and educational. And very, very loud.
Today some of the English students came to the lounge to eat lunch with Ami and I. We got to talking about the names of the fingers: thumb, index, middle, ring, pinky. The students told us that in Japanese, the fingers are part of a family: the thumb is the dad, the pointer is mom, the middle and ring fingers are sister and brother, and the pinky is the baby. They asked what the word "pinky" means. Ami and I looked at each other a bit and realized that it doesn't really mean anything-- it's just a cute word that means "small." Apparently there's a type of breathmint called Pinky in Japan.
If that wasn't funny enough, then Ami and I explained the "Pinky Swear" and the students got excited and said they have a similar concept in Japanese, called yubikiri. The oath goes something like this:
Proverbs 31:25-31 Why are you in school? It true that you are here to learn about history, math, and Japanese. But more importantly, you are in school to learn how to be an adult. You should learn how to work well with other people, how to meet deadlines, how to handle many tasks, etc. Your mother and father and grandparents and teachers all began to become adults in high school and college. I also started to “grow up” into an adult in high school. Even now I am still growing into a woman. You are now girls, but you will soon become women. Becoming an adult—and becoming a woman—is a long process that continues your whole life. You are now beginning the process of changing from girl to woman. As an adult—as a woman—you must be many things. You must be wise with money, you must be strong enough to get through hard times, and you must work hard to live a comfortable life. Are you ready to do all of these things now? Probably not yet. But you are beginning to learn about these things in school and at home. What kind of woman do you want to be? Have you thought about your character as a woman? Have you thought about how you should behave as an adult and as a woman? What is a woman of God like? The Bible gives us an idea of what God thinks is a good woman. Let’s look at that today:
v. 25 A godly woman is strong: not just physically, but mentally and spiritually. She can handle any problem because she relies on God.
v. 26 A godly woman is wise: she knows when to speak and when to be silent. She knows to choose her words carefully.
v. 27 A godly woman is responsible: she knows what is needed and she does it. She cares for those she is responsible for.
v. 30 A godly woman fears the Lord. She knows and follows God’s laws. She wants to serve God.
Are you a godly woman? Are you the kind of person that is described in this passage? Are you strong? Are you wise? Are you caring? Do you fear the Lord? If you are not like this now, think about how you should change your behavior. Let’s all try to become women of God.
Now that I'm a teacher, I find myself wanting to apologize to all my former teachers for being a brat at times.
To Mrs. Avant: I'm sorry I got so annoying that you had to send me to the principal's office. I never again tickled Patrick after that, I was so scared of being sent back to the principal.
To that music teacher in second grade, I'm sorry I made such a fuss about the color of my dress. I sincerely thought of it as red, and I didn't yet know the word for magenta, and you didn't call magenta anyway, so I'm chalking it up as one big misunderstanding.
Mr. Schmidt: I'm sorry I threw a paper airplane in your class. And generally disrespected you. Even though you were a really weird dude, I should've been more polite.
Monsieur Vreeland: everyone in that class made fun of you under your breath. We knew you were a pushover and we took advantage of that. I am so sorry. Even when you were irritated at us for talking or cutting up, we snickered when you tried to sound angry. I know now, as a teacher, how frustrating it is to be laughed at when trying to be serious and in control.
Mr. Sweeny-- yes, Mr. Sweeny-- even though you were a HUGE jerk and probably a pedophile, I still shouldn't have given you so much attitude. I thought I was better than sliced bread and that you were cramping my style by making me an alto. I should've just done what you told me to do. But you were a huge jerk in many other regards, so I consider us even.
DMG, Dr. Woolie and Dr. Holm: I was a HUGE jerk. Man, I look back at how big a brat I was and cringe. I should have been more respectful to you. I should have listened more. I should have held my tongue so many times. So. Many. Times.
To all my former teachers who ever had a behavior problem with me: I am sorry.
My IIE students today were given the task to explain the Christmas story to me in the best English they could. What they came up with reminds me of David Sedaris' story "Jesus Shaves."
"King of Roma said to people of Roma must register their name. Maria and Josephus went to Bethlehem, but it was long way. They didn't have inns and their relatives didn't want them to stay in their house because Jesus wasn't Josephus' child. Maria and Josephus looked for sleeping place. They found barn. Then Jesus was born. He was sleeping in manager. Scholars came to meet Jesus. They brought oil, gold, and spice. They used a star to find Jesus. This is Christmas."
After Children's English Program on Saturday the foreign English teachers all received a 3000 yen (approx. $30US) gift card to Seven Eleven. Today I used it to buy five mini Hagen Daas ice creams and a bottle of wine. Best present I ever bought myself. :)
This is an example of the pronunciation I hear almost everyday in class. While teaching a lesson on prepositions in a basic oral communication class:
Ruthie: "*Sachiko, Where is the pencil?" Sachiko: "Itto izu... on za desukku...?" Ruthie: "Very good, it's on the desk. *Michiko, where are the photographs?" Michiko: "Ze a-ru... neah... za rampu." Ruthie: "Good, they're near the lamp. That's correct. Ok class, please repeat after me: under." Class: "Anda." Ruthie: "Across from." Class: "A-kurossu furomu." Ruthie: "Next to." Class: "Nekusto tsu." Ruthie: "Good. Now please work quietly on pg. 56 while I go across the hall and shoot myself in the kneecaps. Maybe they'll give me the rest of the week off."
Psalm 139:1-6, 13-16 It’s important to be understood. I think about understanding a lot in Japan. I have to listen carefully to Japanese speakers to understand what they are saying. When I go to the store I often have to ask people to speak slower or repeat themselves. I can’t understand them. It is hard for me to make myself understood to Japanese people, too. Japanese grammar is so different from English grammar that I often mix up my words. Sometimes Japanese people laugh at me because I say something incorrectly. I can’t make myself understood. I can’t convey who I really am: my feelings, my dreams, my goals. Also, Japanese people often don’t understand who I am as a person. Japanese people often have a lot of misconceptions about Americans. For example, they think America is dangerous because people are allowed to own guns. They think all Americans love McDonald’s. These things are not true. I think Japanese people also have a lot of misconceptions about foreigners in Japan. They think we don’t speak Japanese. They think we all speak English. They think we are all English teachers. They don’t understand who we really are. You also may worry about being understood. Students, you probably think teachers don’t understand how much homework you have in other classes, or how challenging the assignments are for you, or what kind of friend or family problems you’re dealing with now. Teachers, you probably think that students don’t understand how hard you work for their benefit, how little free time you have with your family because of your job, how frustrating it can be to teach students who often don’t want to learn. Who really understands us in this world? God understands us. The Bible says that he knows your every thought. He knows how many hairs you have on your head. He knows how many times you have cried in your life. He had a plan for your life before you were born.God truly understands you. Because He understands us, he knows what we need. He knows how to care for us. He knows how to help us.
Awhile back I posted about the literal meanings of some Japanese words. Since then I have learned some more:
空手 karate -- the name of the popular martial arts form literally means "empty hand."
音楽 ongaku-- Music. The two Chinese characters mean "sound" and "easy/comfortable," respectively. Thus the definition of music in Japanese could be "sounds that are easy to listen to."
カラオケ karaoke-- I think when most Americans think of Japan, they think of karaoke. Indeed, the Japanese invented karaoke, and because of that they will forever be branded in movies and TV as the annoying Asian businessmen drunkenly singing "Country Roads" in bars. The name "karaoke," is derived from the Chinese characters meaning "empty" and "orchestra."
言葉 kotoba-- the word for "word." The first character means "word," "statement," or "remark." The second means "leaf." I thought that was an interesting image-- if an idea or paragraph or essay is a tree, one word would be a leaf. A leaf by itself isn't much, but when they are connected together by branches to form a tree, you get a living, growing thing.
That's how it sounds when said by my junior high school students.
Thanksgiving kind of sucks this year. Last year the Baiko people had a really fun get-together. Everyone came and brought traditional Thanksgiving food, we all ate too much, we said what we were thankful for, then the musically-inclined of us sang and played piano. This year several of my coworkers are otherwise engaged and I was invited to go to a sumo match on Friday (which I am totally going to!), so we're not really having a Thanksgiving party this year. And I even have the stuff to make green bean casserole! Oh well. I did hear that some people were interested in doing something for Christmas, so at least there will probably be a Christmas party.
This year I'm thankful for coworkers I can work easily with and hang out with, great friends here, comfortable living conditions, and the people at home who often remind me that I am missed. Thanks loved ones!
Yes, this poster is up all over town. Rachel and I were the beautiful, token white girls to put in the poster with the two youngest, best-looking Japanese teachers and two of the most popular, smartest girls from the senior class.If more students don't want to come to Baiko after seeing this, I might have to start turning tricks for the school.
I think Japan is a very polite country. Everyone always says “please” and “thank you.” At school the teachers and students often say “thank you.” When I go to the store I always hear “thank you” from the clerks. We say thank you to everyone in our lives. But do we say “thank you” to God? Why should we thank God? What has God given us? What has God done for you? Did you decide to be born to a Japanese family? No. Did your parents decide to be Japanese? No. They had no choice. You had no choice. You have a family with enough money, a good school, a safe place to live, and enough food to eat. Who decided that? Was it an accident? No. God gave it to you. God decided he wanted me to come to Japan. I didn’t even want to come to Japan at first. But three of my college professors asked me three different times to consider coming to Baiko to teach English. I considered it, and finally decided to take the job. In this job and this country I have been blessed with amazing experiences, new friends, and great students. God gave me this gift. He gives us everything we have, everything we need. He even gave us the way to Him through Jesus Christ. Do we say “thank you”? Are we really thankful? Remember to thank God everyday, because He gave us all good things.
This weekend the teachers at Baiko High School took a little trip to Hiroshima and Shimane. The weekend started with a ride in a bullet train to Hiroshima, where we ate a HUGE meal. We had-- in this order-- sashimi (basically sushi without the rice), fish liver, a plate of seafood (pictured above), deep fried sardines, deep fried squid, deep fried ham and onion on a stick, and a bowl of rice with roasted eel.
The next day we headed to Shimane to go the Iwami Silver Mine, a recently-appointed World Heritage Site. Back in the 17th century a third of the world's silver was mined from this location. Below is a little trail off the paved road that Ami and I investigated. We found some ruins tucked back in the forest. Before heading back to Shimonoseki we went to the Shimane aquarium. Their main attraction is a White Whale show, but Ami and I skipped it in order to spend more time in the rest of the museum. In all, it was a really fun trip. Now I have to go back to Hiroshima sometime to see all the other famous stuff!
Name: Ruthie Home: Japan About Me: I want to know who God is and what his truth is. I love getting lost in beautiful music and cloudless star-filled skies, especially in the fall. I hate being bored. I like big cities. I want to travel the world. read more
Name: Ruthie