No Going Back
I'm getting used to being back in school. My mindset, however, has not reverted back to what it was when I was last in school. In undergrad I was carefree. I didn't think so much about what other people thought of me. I was a big fish in a little pond. I was usually the brightest student in the class. I talked back to my professors. I wasn't afraid to go to class in my pajamas. I dressed crazily. I was loud and often obnoxious. I was confident and bold. I was a student and still a child in many ways.

After two years of being on my own in Japan, I come back to the world of academia a different person. I am an instructor and getting more adult every day. I look at the incoming freshmen here and think they look so young and fresh and naive. I am quieter than them, more subdued, more practical. I am more humble and more aware that I am not at the head of the pack, but somewhere behind trying to keep up. I am also more aware of how I am perceived by others. I dress nicely, conservatively. I think a lot more before I speak. I am more polite.

Have I lost an important part of me through this change? Have I become boring? I'm still prone to spouting non-sequitors and oddball jokes. I like to wear some extremely bright piece of clothing every now and again. But something has changed. Some parts of me have moved beyond the person I was at eighteen years old, and there is no going back.
written by Ruthie @ 4:41 PM  
1 thoughts:
  • At 9/13/2008 3:34 PM, Blogger Amanda said…

    I think that the changes are par for the course. I can attest to the fact that I came back from France much more settled and confident and mature than before I left, so I can't imagine how "adultifying" (yes, I just invented that word) your time in Japan would be. I have a hard time relating to the other students my age here because they're all so...well...young. I find myself hanging out with the old folks more :)

    Oh, and I would never use the word boring to describe you :) Hope that the studies are getting off to a good start! I'm always interested to hear what other grad students are doing...since it's usually so different from my experience!
    This is a really long comment. Really long. Just imagine that it's a conversation in the hall in Fern and then it's not quite so lame that I've practically written a blog post in your comments section, right? :)take care, friend!

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Name: Ruthie
Home: Japan
About Me: I want to know who God is and what his truth is. I love getting lost in beautiful music and cloudless star-filled skies, especially in the fall. I hate being bored. I like big cities. I want to travel the world.
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